The Very Real Fear Of Stability

Millennials and the fear of stability?! How groundbreaking, you’d think! Well, as a Millennial and since it has already been one of never ending topics during my long (sometimes indeed endless) psychotherapy, I decided to quickly go through it again, here.

Stability.
After pronouncing it, I can feel the conquerable trigger in my mind, but the resistance I feel in the body is omnipresent in every cell. Freedom! Stability. Freedom! Stability. Nope, to me, they still feel opposed to each other. The fear is rooted so deep. The capitalistic system surely didn’t help in making the Stability more appealing - loans contracts, job contracts, love contracts, holiday contracts. But all this, it just smells like Stability, but it actually doesn’t have nothing to do with it.

Stability is just one of the definition we had unconsciously imprinted in our mind (and body) since we were kids. Stability is about everyday reality we had lived in our childhood. The more inconsistent it was, the less safe we felt. The more it had different shapes of neglect, pain, absence, pretending, distance… the more dangerous it was. The fear of it was there to protect us, to suggest us other choices, for (a better) life.

And so, I started experimenting with “instability”, unpredictability and it felt so easy for quite a while. I changed countries, cities, houses, universities, jobs, daily routines… I’ve always had this subjective feeling that 3 months are Forever; and after every Forever, I couldn’t wait for another one to start! The consistent change around the corner was equally thrilling and necessary to survive. I must admit, it still feels quite liberating (sometimes). It can create a sensation like tomorrow doesn’t exist, but over time, it starts to be pretty expensive and exhausting as a habit. It brings many amazing experiences, but it takes away the possibility of intimacy with the world around. And isn’t the true intimacy actually the ultimate freedom to be whoever we really are?!

Stability is consistency.
Stability is loyalty.
Stability is discipline.
Stability is reliability.
Stability is commitment.
Stability is safety.

All these words can be scary, if you are still not witnessing your unconscious beliefs. Stability isn’t scary - it’s actually comforting, when you give it a chance. Stability isn’t boring - ok, maybe a little bit, but it’s worth it. Worth what? Well, that’s up to you to decide.

How to start with stability if your whole life you were used to chaos? By preparing your body and your nervous system for it. At the beginning, the stability will feel shocking. You’ll need to learn how to stay still with yourself, with your thoughts, with your body. Throughout meditation, yoga, grounding in nature or whatever technique and practice suits you best. The aim is to be able to clearly witness what happens in your body, at popping out of every (strange) thought. And then to repeat it. Daily. To be disciplined and consistent in reaching peace. In not chasing the dopamine, not even with your mind. The Stability will feel less and less scary everyday. And then, one day, it will feel ok. You won’t feel the urge to escape it anymore. You will be able to stay - still, present, peaceful. Word of a master dopamine chaser.